i permit you to call me
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
