Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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