He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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