Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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