It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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