I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
