I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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