you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
