I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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