he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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