my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
