I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
