You're completely useless in the revolution.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
