I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
