I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
