Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
