why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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