I have demons in me.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
