I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
