Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
