I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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