I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
