How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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