he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
