I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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