She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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