The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
So squirting runs in the family.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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