he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
did you just send me my own nude
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize