the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
