Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
