becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
