Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
