so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
