There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
