i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
