if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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