oh god the rape fog is back!
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My liver just had a heart attack.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
