I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
