i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
