I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
