just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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