So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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