Umm I'm too high to move.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
