I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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