dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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