She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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