Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
