and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
