; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
420 ftw
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
