too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
