I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
